I Am Against New Year's Resolutions

"The grass is greener on the other side."

The New Year means a sky rocket in sales for gym memberships and fitness equipment, and a drop for fast food and other less healthy items. I've never really been into the whole Resolution deal. It seems like I'm always setting myself up for failure. A year or two ago, I made all or my resolutions nearly impossible to not achieve. You know what I mean:

New Year's Resolutions 2011

1. Don't die.
2. Don't get hit by a train.
3. Do NOT chop off left hand.
4. Feed self.
5. Blink.
6. Breathe.
7. Pee.
8. Do not injure self again.

Simple things that can be simply accomplished nearly everyday. Except.. for maybe one or two. But out of a long list, that's not too bad. Seven out of eight cannot possibly be considered failure. Therefore, it is a reasonable list for me. Others have IMPOSSIBLE lists... like:

New Year's Resolutions 2011

1. Lose 30 pounds by eating nothing!!!
2. Eat only healthy green things that nobody else likes!!!
3. Stay out of debt and be unhappy because I can't have nice things!!!
4. Buy a dog to jog everyday with!!!
5. Drink goopy protein shakes!!!

See. In reality, you people are unrealistic. When you get to February, as we are now, you realize...
Revised New Year's Resolutions 2011

1. That pizza sure looks tasty... I didn't REALLY need to lose weight, did I?
2. Look at him... he's not eating anything green...
3. This money is so heavy in my pocket...
4. I hate this dog's poooooop! And running.
5. Do I have to drink another one? :/

When you make it a month, not even a whole year, with 0/5 - I think should be considered a failed list. Which is why everyone should stick to breathing. And feeding the cat every once in a while.